The KFC Origin of Starbucks Species by Chuck E. Cheese Darwin

Product Placement.

I still remember it: I was sixteen, sitting in the movie theatre, watching an unbearably sad movie. She loved him, he died violently and unexpectedly. She has been walking around numb for months when one day she reaches, without thinking, for a CD.

We know what she’s going to do. She’s going to listen to it — their song. I started to tear up, Oh God, how would we bear it?!? She pops it into the stereo and just as the heart-shattering first chords begin, I see through my tears, not our beloved heroine’s face revealing the state of her anguished heart, but a full screen close up of her CD player. “SONY!!!!” it screamed in letters that loomed above me, four feet tall and twelve feet wide.

“What the f—?”

Now, I’m not unrealistic about the world. I know that advertising very often pays the bills. But am I the only one that thinks things are a bit out of control? Hamlet, head to toe in designer clothing labels, sporting a fetching Gucci handbag, waving a Big Mac around instead of Yorick’s skull. Ahab obsessed with an iPod wearing whale. I’m probably giving these people ideas… What happened to restraint? Subtlety?

And look what I found in an archeology article:

The earliest known shoes, rope sandals that attached to the feet with string, date to only around 10,000 B.C. For the new study, the clues were in middle toe bones that change during an individual’s lifetime if the person wears shoes a lot.

“When you walk barefoot, your middle toes curl into the ground to give you traction as you push off,” explained co-author Erik Trinkaus, who worked on the study with Hong Shang.

“If you regularly wear Nikes, moccasins or any other type of shoe, you actually wind up pushing off with your big toe, with less force going through the middle toes,” added Trinkaus, a Washington University anthropologist who is one of the world’s leading experts on early human evolution.

Whoah! Hold on a minute! “Nikes, moccasins or any other type of shoe…” Nike is not a type of shoe, it’s a BRAND. Sandals, slippers, flip-flops — these are types of shoes. At least they could be logically correct. How much do you think they got for that? It’s unbelievable that newspapers don’t have a version of the American Society of Magazine Editors guidelines.

Even if they don’t care about the fact that we are exhausted by the tsunami of advertising that is our daily lives, perhaps they might consider that editorial product placement in articles just might undermine our confidence in the rest of the information offered.

Next thing you know you’ll buy a copy of Darwin’s The Evolution of Species and discover that the Western Galapagos finches evolved his unique L-shaped, six-sided beak so that they could better assemble IKEA furniture.

finches sell out

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